Suspicious activity in Cayce

Last Sunday we worshipped together for the second time at our monthly Reveal preview service. After the service multiple guests commented on the beautiful music. Had they known that I  jumped a six foot fence, broke in a shed, and stole the djimbe drum from a home in Cayce three hours before the service, I'm sure their appreciation would be greater. I'm a grown man. And grown men don't jump fences - especially in Cayce. Have you jumped a chain link fence recently? The last time I jumped a fence my feet were small enough to slip between the links, my back was flexible enough to make the transition up and over look graceful, and my knees were strong enough to withstand a six foot drop.

To make matters worse, I was dressed like a criminal. My cozy sermon prep t-shirt was 2 sizes too small with gaping holes in both arm pits, my cozy sermon prep basketball shorts were 2 sizes too big, and my tennis shoes looked stolen over my calf length dress socks. My eyes were bloodshot from staring at a computer screen all day and I hadn't shaved my three whiskers in several days. I looked suspicious walking up my own driveway. My appearance alone was probable cause for arrest.

As I stood below the fence in anticipation of my heroic theft I quickly considered the consequences if someone called the police. Getting arrested by the Cayce police three hours before worship makes for a great story at my retirement party in 30 years, but being dropped off at church by a police car and preaching in an orange jumpsuit didn't excite me.

So I climbed and jumped, snuck in my buddy's shed, stole his drum, climbed and jumped again, and fled the scene. Stealing musical equipment isn't in our master plan. The djimbe drum was supposed to be at the venue earlier that day. But if sticking to the plan was our normal operating procedure, we would have been labeled a failure long before I was arrested. Before the heist, I learned that you can't start a new church unless you're willing to beg and borrow. But I didn't know I'd also need to steal.