OK | 10 Lies Before Noon
As I sat in a long meeting last week my attention wandered. It wasn't a DOWNTOWN CHURCH meeting. Those are fun, my attention does not wander during these.
In meetings, one way to make it appear that you are still mentally present is to make top-ten lists. This is not work, it is a game, like Sudoku, without the book titled SUDOKU, which you can't open on a conference room table discreetly. Lists can be made anywhere and it looks like you are taking notes about what is being said.
For example, here are the titles of the first two lists I made in the meeting last week.
- Ten Unfortunate Things to Say On a Conference Call When You Think the Phone Is On Mute.
- Ten Things I Want to Dream About Tonight
I was on my second list when I realized that I was embodying an un-truth with my fake note-taking. Not only was I not listening, I was actively making it look like I was to deflect attention from my inability to pay attention.
That's when I decided to repent and admit my sin by making a third list titled, The Ten Un-Truths I Told Before Noon Today.
- 11:23 - Halfway through the morning chapel service I got bored and told the lady beside me I had to make a call. I wouldn't have said anything and just walked out, but I needed her to move so I could get to the aisle.
- 6:30 - I looked in the mirror and promised to the person staring back that I would run today. As I said it, I knew I wasn't going to happen.
- 7:05 - Somebody asks me about the weather in Asheville. She was flying there the next day and thought I was from Asheville. I should have told her I was from Columbia, SC. But then she might apologize. So I said "it's been nice."
- 10:00 - I'm asked how many people come to DOWNTOWN CHURCH on an average Sunday. I said I don't know. Lie. I know exactly what we average for worship (kids, adults, on a per year basis).
- 10:05 - I'm asked how I slept. I said, "fine." Lie. I woke up twice and stayed awake for an hour the second time. Strong people sleep well. Right?
- 10:07 - I'm preaching in a few days and somebody asks if I am done with my sermon. I said "almost." Not true.
- Right now - I'm running out of ten things, so I'm bout to make one up. Then I realize I don't have to because I can just look at the speaker in the room and nod my head like I'm listening. Not true. I'm not listening.
- Right after not listening - Lady beside me asks to borrow my fountain pen. I say, "of course" and smile. I don't mean it. As an adult, she should have brought her own pen.
- 11:00 - A grandfather says he is going to buy a slinky for his grandson who he will see this weekend. He says "don't you hate them?" I say "yes." Not true. I love them. But I want him to like me.
- 8:00 - Dude beside me at breakfast looks at my plate and notices the thirty blueberries. He says "you eat healthy." I say "I try." Not true. I don't eat healthy. I just know blueberries are expensive and when they are around I eat them because they are decadent.